Don’t underestimate the dude who likes vodka crans. Have you ever been out at a bar, seen a group of 10 bros ripping shots, and thought “That’s the kind of person I want to spend the rest of my life with?” If you have, that’s great! If you haven’t, it’s probably because you read the vibe of that group as “We love each other and being tanked more than we love the idea of being settled down right now” and you were right.
I asked Ivy Mix, head bartender and co-owner of Leyenda, a cocktail bar in Brooklyn, New York, what a guy’s favorite drink order says about him. She’s not into stereotyping someone based on what they order — in fact, a lot of the time guys won’t order what you’d expect them to (except for those above-mentioned shot-drinking guys). But here’s what she has noticed about what guys order and why.
1. Domestic beers.
When a guy goes out to a bar and orders a Budweiser, he’s not into trying new things — especially if he comes to a craft bar and sticks with what he knows. “Branching out makes some people uncomfortable,” Ivy explains. That’s not necessarily a bad thing: “They just want to get what they know.” That translates to a consistent, solid — if a little boring — partner. You’ll have plenty of Netflix date nights and sex that gets you both off in exactly nine minutes.
2. Craft beers.
See above. According to Ivy, he’s “probably slightly afraid of branching out but just a little bit more Brooklyn about it.” Read: he cares about what other people think of his order. Again, it’s not a bad thing, it just means he likes Tacos on Tuesdays and flannels in the winters and craft beers at bars and variation from this routine makes him sassy. He’s a solid boyfriend with a little bit of a betch streak.
3. Whiskey or bourbon straight.
People who order anything straight or on the rocks are generally Big Boys and Girls. It’s a statement to order whiskey or bourbon straight, Ivy says: “A kid’s not going out and getting a ‘MacAllen on the rocks please.'” If he knows exactly which brand he wants on top of that, he knows what he’s doing in life. He hasn’t had a roommate since college and his place is clean — not just because it’ll make you happy, but because he likes to live his life that way.
4. An Old-Fashioned.
Though you’d imagine anything whiskey-centric to also signal Adulthood, that might not be the case. If you’re in a bar that is known for cocktails and he gets an Old Fashioned, Ivy says, “it probably says the same thing that getting a craft beer at a sports bar says about him.” He probably doesn’t know much about cocktails and is just doing what’s comfortable for him. He hung with the craft beer drinkers in college but was the first one to get a serious girlfriend, so he takes his role as group trendsetter seriously. He’ll show you that in the form of lots of dates at super ‘grammable restaurants.
5. Vodka straight.
College-y, says Ivy. “Bizarre.” He is a most likely a grown man with a pong table in his apartment. How does that make you feel?
6. Tequila straight.
According to Ivy, those who drink tequila straight — which is way different than taking tequila shots! — can hang with the whiskey drinkers of the world. “If its a nice tequila and they are sipping it, then I think they generally know what they are doing,” she says. He’s got just as much ambition as a guy who drinks his whiskey straight, but he’s got time for the fun things in life too. Who doesn’t want to get a 6 p.m. text each day reading, “How was your big meeting? What should we do to celebrate it being over?”
7. Vodka cran.
This is where things get tricky. “The general assumption is that if you are drinking a vodka soda or a vodka cranberry, you are a woman or you are gay. And I think that’s stupid,” Ivy notes. When a guy orders a vodka soda at her bar, she’s into it. This guy is way more willing to ~*challenge the status quo*~ than your Heineken-drinking friend. He has better stories than anyone else at the bar. He also probably had a man bun before it was #cool.
8. A margarita.
Anyone who wants a margarita above all else is a festive person in general. Again, don’t confuse this dude for the tequila shot-taker — this guy’s just trying to have a good time, not a blackout disaster of a night. Though he may not be the person you’re tryna spend forever with, he’s certainly great for a short-term thing. He’s always down to party, but he’s totally ghosting before morning.
9. A gin martini.
Guys who order gin martinis at bars are making power moves. Especially if he knows what type of gin he wants with a twist — “[he] definitely knows what’s going on. And [he] knows what [he] wants and [he] wants it now,” Ivy says. He’s an old soul who takes the whole commitment thing very seriously. He wants to be your husband and watch History Channel with you all day every day, aw yeah.
Beware the man who comes to the bar to take shots. These guys prompt one reaction from Ivy: “Oh god.” He is looking to get drunk fast and doesn’t care about much else for the night … duh. What kind of boyfriend do you think that makes him? If you take nothing else away from this, let it be this exciting shot-related news: “People love Fireball … less so now than like a year ago or two years ago.” Maybe 2016 will be the year Fireball dies and takes those who love it above all else with it.
Much like those who feel weird about ordering a vodka cranberry in public, “younger men who drink [wine] have been like shunned from it. Maybe because it comes in a stemmed glass?” Ivy says. “That’s my biggest thing with stereotypes — get over the pink drink, get over the flute, get over the fact that it has a stem,” and order your goddamn wine. She’s right. Who cares about holding a stem? It makes forearms look great, and it’s a well-known fact that guys with great forearms are good at sex.